“You shouldn’t
have a burning city
growing in your mind
because of a boy that brings joy for a day and
sadness for weeks.
Stop sobbing, Stop submerging yourself into a
living hell for a
love that has
flames walking
through your skin when there should
be stars in your eyes
and flowers on
your lips.”
Alexa Evangelista
How To Accept That Your Parents Are Going To Die
See your parents through a very limited lens. Think that they are here to teach you, to answer the phone when you have question about a suspicious mole on your neck or an ache in your belly. Expect that they will always know how to fix it. Be barely wrong.
Remember your mom as a magical female creature with lotions and potions on her bedside table. Her hair would be done up and there’d be music wafting from the stereo. This was what a Woman was. Isn’t she beautiful? Yes. You know it and she “might”” know it. “Especially for someone so old,” you’d think to yourself. She was 37.
Your parents can do more than you. They can hike higher mountains, they can do advanced math, they can balance checkbooks, they can get drunk without getting too sloppy, they can hate the person they love. Study their behavior. Search for clues on how to do all of these things for yourself. Sneak into the liquor cabinet and drink something brown until you puke it all up on the floors that just got redone.
Spend a couple years becoming a fully formed human being. Read some shit. Fuck some shit. Make a few mistakes. Emerge with 30% more understanding of how the world works. Go home for Christmas. The first thing you notice is that your father is stupid. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy. He knows how to use a drill. He knows how to love you. But he’s never read a fucking book and he’s a little racist, and, oh my god, did he just ask you what “grandiose” meant? Nooooooo. Feel embarrassed. Feel like you’ve just caught him masturbating and immediately look away. “I DON’T WANT TO KNOW YOU LIKE THIS, I DON’T WANT TO SEE ALL SIDES OF YOU, I JUST WANT YOU TO BE A ONE-DIMENSIONAL LOVE MACHINE WHO GIVES ME A SCALP MASSAGE AND HELPS ME PUT IKEA FURNITURE TOGETHER.” Feel like a selfish shithead because you are. Actively try not to be. Your parents are complex people. Okay, okay, that’s fine. You can work with that.
Fast forward to a few summers later. You know how to do things, things you never thought you would figure out on your own, and it’s a relief. Your parents don’t seem all that special now. They were just wiser than a ten-year-old. Come home to visit them. Arrive to their house and then watch that identity get blown up with a shotgun. Regress to being a child. Act bratty. Go to Target with your mom and become incensed with rage when she farts in the Home Goods section. WTF? Your mom used to be this mysterious feminine goddess and now she’s wear ill-fitting jeans and farting in public?
Realize, for the first time ever, that your parents are getting old. You can hike higher mountains, you can do more advanced math and balance a checkbook. Their brains are turning into mush. Every time your parents ask you to repeat a question or shoot you a confused sheepish expression, hate them. Hate them with every fiber of being and then hate yourself for feeling this way. Know that this is because they’re going to die and you hate them for leaving you. You love them so much. Regret every time you acted cruel to them. Regret it and then snap at them again. Goddamn it, what’s wrong with you?!! Why can’t they stop annoying you? They’re going to die and you’re going to flashback to all of the times you acted badly to them. It’s going to be in a constant loop in your brain, so get your shit together and show how much you love them!!!
Believe that the purpose of having parents is to make sure you don’t die. Believe this until life does a funny thing and puts you in the role of the caretaker.
Suddenly you’re responsible for your parents’ life in the same way they were for yours. “Gotcha!” says Life. “It’s your turn now to make them feel safe.” Doubt that you could ever do this.
Doubt that you could be half the person your parents were to you.
Try anyway. Try until they die.
16 Things Every Girl Forgets To Thank Her Brother(s) For
By Ella Ceron
1. My friends were always eyeing you up, and while I pretended to be grossed out by it, I was secretly proud that I’m related to you.
2. Raiding your closet for sweatshirts was, and is, and always will be so much easier than going out and buying my own.
3. Growing up together meant that between the two of us, we had the full survey of all sorts of toys.
4. Any and all damning photographs of those times I made you play dress up in my princess dresses will always serve as the ultimate blackmail.
5. You at least tried to school me in all things sports, cars, and video games — and whether or not I was into those things already, you made sure I could at least discuss these things and sound like I knew what I was talking about. (And these would come in handy later in life. So thank you.)
6. The minute you outsized Dad was a sweet, sweet minor victory in finally having someone on my side.
7. Your endless stream of advice when I were unsure how to act around a crush or why that boy in class said something and what he really meant by it, was absolutely indispensable, considering you think like a guy because, well, you are one.
8. Feeling like I had a built-in bodyguard whenever the two of us went places later in life might have been a little sexist — after all, I didn’t actively want you to get into a fight for my honor — but still, it’s a nice little perk.
9. And casually mentioning, “Oh, that’s my brother,” to any guy who tried to get a little too close in your presence immediately told homeboy where he stood. (And I know that secretly made you a little proud.)
10. I never have to wonder what I’d look like if I were a guy — the proof is standing right there in front of me.
11. My threshold for gross things was instantly raised just by living in the same house as you. Have a brother, and you have seen. it. all, my friend.
12. You were constantly there to remind me when I were being too ridiculous, because some things just don’t compute across gender lines — and this is a good thing.
13. Chances are good our mom babied youthat much more — because even if you were a tough boy and could take care of yourself, maternal instinct still want to do your laundry and make sure you came home to get a decent meal — and such a watchful eye let me get away with murder sometimes.
14. You were a crash-course in why stealing a guy’s razor is always a better idea.
15. Whatever your orientation wound up being, I could make sure that you knew how to treat women with respect.
16. And I can rest a little easier knowing that there is at least one more decent human being out there who is living proof of what it takes to be a good man.
